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The Natural Laws of Children: Why Children Thrive When We Understand How Their Brains Are Wired

Hello everyone, I am very excited about the book we are talking about today, called “The Natural Laws of Children”. After I finished reading this book, I had a special urge to open a kindergarten. And I think that if kindergarten teachers, or parents of school-age children had read this book, our world would have become a better place. This book is not only suitable for families with children under the age of 5, I think that by reading this book, everyone can find the part of their heart that needs to be made up, and also better understand how a person grows up.

The author of the book is a French lady who inherited the Montessori teaching method. Regarding Montessori, everyone knows that there are many kindergartens that now say that they are the kindergartens of Montessori education. But you know what? In her later years, Ms. Montessori often muttered alone, that is, she sat there alone. What is the old lady muttering? The others listened closely and heard her say, "They don't understand, they don't understand at all." "There are many teaching methods, in the name of Montessori education, which actually deviate from this natural ecological method of Montessori to educate children."

Therefore, the author of this book combines today's research on brain science and her practical work in teaching, so that the connotation of the Montessori educational concept itself is re-recognized. I sometimes communicate with many parents, and I say that the most important time to educate a child is before the age of 5. Then they would say that there was nothing to do before the age of 5, and that our children were fine until they were 5 years old. I said that before the age of 5, you thought your child was very good because the pain caused by the child was small, and you could control him, but the child had tried his best to argue with you. And many parents do not know what their children should do before they are 5 years old, so this book teaches us hand in hand what they can do before their children are 5 years old.

First, let's look at the first chapter, about brain plasticity. Author Selina found that 40 percent of students in France fail when they go to primary school. She didn't understand that the primary school exam was so simple, how could 40% of the primary school students fail? It's as simple as we look at the Chinese primary school exam now, how can we fail the one-digit addition or double-digit addition test?

She wanted to solve this problem. So, in 2009, she found a kindergarten by herself, applied to the Ministry of Education for a project, and did a pilot class, and the location she chose for this pilot class was not in the rich area where the family conditions were very good, but in the poor area. The parents of these children may not care much about them, and the parents are busy working to make money. Then she transformed the class into a pilot class, and the later result was that the students' grades in this pilot class were greatly improved, and the class atmosphere was very relaxed and pleasant, and the relationship between the students in the class was particularly good. She recorded the whole process of the experiment in this book.

She said how did her tradition of educational methods come about? The first grandfather was jean ital, and there was a documentary about this man called "Wild Child", which is about the process of educating children in this natural way. Jean Ital's student was edward seguin, and the heir of Eduard Segan was Maria Montessori, an educator in the early 20th century. This school of thought holds that for us, the influence of the external environment is greater than the influence of genes.

As a human being, we are actually very weak, and when we are first born, our brains are too weak compared to horses or cows. Because we are born with nothing but crying and moving, we envy the horse, and the horse is born, and after a few minutes it can stand up, and after a while it will run with the mare. But you have to pay attention to the fact that the horse is like this in this life, and it will not have any greater development. Why is it that when we humans are born, our brains are so blank and nothing happens? Because it leaves enough space for us to adapt to the external environment the day after tomorrow. The adaptability of the human brain is very strong, and on this point, we once talked about a book called "Thirty Million Words: Building a Child's Brain", which specifically explains the impact of nurturing on children's brains.

In daily life, a child's brain is constantly being built. So, don't think that the so-called education is that you put your face on the child to talk, don't think that this is the only thing called education. It's not just that the moment you teach him is education, but every moment of daily life is education, and his brain is constantly being built. There are many parents who often say, "I want my child to be obedient, why my child is not obedient", and when a child really becomes so-called "obedient", it is likely to mean that his intellectual development has stagnated. It was that he felt that he did not dare to do anything and became honest. You know, the growth rate of the child's mind is unimaginable to adults, and the speed is too fast.

Montessori famously made the assertion that the information a person learns before the age of three is the sum of what comes to life. You learn a lot of things after the age of three, but this information adds up to about the same as what you learned before you were three years old. Because before the age of three, we learn emotions, we learn language, we learn color, we learn to observe color, we learn relationships, and these are all things that contain a huge amount of information. A child has about 1,000 trillion synapses in his head, and every second they make 700 to 1,000 new neuronal connections. When we live with a child, we are building his brain.

Therefore, Selina asked us to talk to our children in kindergarten and be sure to pay attention to our own language. I read a passage from a book where she said, "When a child asks, 'Will it snow?' We never deal with things perfunctorily with the phrase 'I don't feel' and say, 'I don't think it's going to snow.' This morning I listened to the weather forecast and the forecaster said it wouldn't snow, but it would be cold. Look at the sky, the clouds are not that thick, and it does not snow yet. We try not to omit the subject, but use 'we', we don't say 'kids, go to the pool after lunch', but say 'Kids, after lunch in the cafeteria at noon, let's go swimming in the pool'. "It is that she tries to say everything about the lord and the guest.

"Similarly, we try to use precise words, rather than 'this thing,' 'that thing,' 'this thing,' 'this,' 'that, this thing, 'that, 'this thing,' and 'that, that thing,' It's a bit of a struggle to talk like this, but we'd rather take the time to find the right words than deal with them, explaining to the child, 'Wait a second and let me think about how it would be more appropriate.' Even if it's a little difficult for children, we should insist on using the most accurate words. "It is when teachers and parents express themselves in the most accurate words, and the neurons in the child's brain will be more fully established."

I am especially grateful to my mother, who lived in the city before I was three years old, and my mother had to ride dozens of kilometers of bicycles to work outside the city. Along the way, I sat on that bike and my mom talked to me, and my mom was an elementary school Language teacher, so most of what she told me was written, and she kept talking along the way. Talking to a child in written language will make the neuronal connections of the child's brain more fully constructed.

Before the children in Serena's class entered the class, they would often have dirty words in their mouths, and they would often say things that did not match the afterword, because the people in the family could talk to the children in a very simple and violent way. When a child is less able to express it politely or accurately, the teacher in Selina's class will ask him very patiently, "Would you say it another way?" If the child can't, the teacher will teach him and kindly teach him how to say this sentence accurately.

In this class, Serena asks everyone to be polite, quiet, not to disturb others, and to help each other. In terms of mutual aid methods, she said that she must be mixed-age, and the students in this kindergarten class are 3 to 5 years old. Why is mixed age particularly important? Because when we leave school, you will find that we must live in this society of mixed age. However, we didn't deal with people of different ages in the class, we were all with people of similar age, and most of the competition was formed, so you found that there was a lot of competition in the class, and there was a lot of cooperation. But when there are 3 to 5-year-old children in this class, when there is an age gap, help appears, leadership people appear, so the atmosphere of mutual help will be very strong, and the children learn how to deal with people of different ages.

Before the age of two is a very important critical period of brain development, because our synapses will be pruned, that is, the 700 to 1000 neuronal connections that children establish every second, not all of which are useful, so when he sleeps, when he is in a daze, when he is alone, his synapses will be trimmed, useful will be retained, and useless will be cut off. Therefore, the affinity environment is very important for the activity of the brain, which I must emphasize.

Why do many families think that their children are easy to manage? Because parents often turn their faces, parents only need to turn their faces, and the child will be obedient, but this situation is the most serious damage to the child's brain. The reason is that this part of our brain's prefrontal cortex is the part that governs why humans are human. We are human beings with language, imagination, curiosity, self-control, reason, all of which are the roles of the prefrontal cortex. But the prefrontal cortex has a very important property, that is, it goes offline when it encounters pressure. It's as if you're tired after a day's work, and when you get home, you can't help but swipe your phone or open the fridge for a sweet tooth, which you wouldn't do during the day. Many people who lose weight can say very sensibly during the day that this does not eat, that does not eat, and at night, they begin to call for takeaway because his prefrontal cortex is offline.

And when our child often encounters high-pressure discipline from parents at home, encounters parental yelling, and even encounters corporal punishment from parents, his pressure is very great. Parents may feel that they are teasing him, and they are not really hitting the child, but the child will be scared to death, at this time his prefrontal cortex is offline, he will not have reason and self-discipline, and even reduce imagination and reduce the perception of art. We have explored this in depth in "Self-Driving Growth", but in this book, I think it is very important for us to further understand the affinity environment for children's learning.

And you must not think that the child is slow to learn, or worry that the child will not, need you from a, o, e, i, u , ü begin to speak, or recognize word by word. Many parents like to make literacy cards for their children, teaching them one card at a time, one card at a time, and there is no need for this. The author said that the child learns words and grammar at the same time, you do not have to deliberately avoid the grammar problem, that is, read the whole sentence to him, the child himself will integrate. I remember my son speaking very late when he was a child, his characteristic is to say a sentence before thinking about half a day, he does not speak, has been thinking, thinking for a long time, he said a complete sentence with one mouth, the subject of the word he said with one mouth is complete, he is not like other children to jump words, he is saying that the subject is a complete sentence. Because a child has the ability to understand grammar and has his logical thinking, you just need to communicate with him in standard, beautiful language.

In this book, the author summarizes the natural laws learned by children, that is, the experience they gained from this experiment. The first is called learning from experience. Someone once used a guinea pig to do experiments, that is, to let the mice walk the maze, there is a group of mice to walk by themselves, just in the maze to keep walking the wrong way, and then tried many times, quite painstaking, and finally ran out, this is a group of mice; Another group of rats, they were placed on a small cart with a rope in front of them, and the experimenters took this group of mice along, and then walked out of the maze and experimented many times. After the training is completed, retest these two groups of rats, you can also imagine, the group of rats that ran out of their own can run out again, and those who are led by a rope can not run out. Just like you always use navigation when you drive, you will never know the road, if you turn off the navigation, after two weeks, the road in this area will be familiar to you. Therefore, experience is essential, children must experience, must not be afraid of making mistakes, must feel to be able to learn.

Next, the guidance of others is essential. Watching cartoons is not something to learn, this experiment is so interesting, they use Chinese teaching to do experiments. The first group, found a few Chinese face to face to teach these children Chinese, that is, use the Chinese to talk to them every day, and then teach them some Chinese, because the children's language ability is very strong, this is the first group, find Chinese teacher to teach them Chinese. The second group is to record the same Chinese teacher's teaching process into a video, and then use this video to talk to the child, teach the child to Chinese, and interact in this way. The third group, without even a picture of the teacher, directly used the Chinese's voice lessons to teach these children.

The end result? Only the first group of children learned to Chinese. Just watching the same Chinese the teacher speaking on TV, and although the children in the second group looked at it with wide eyes, he couldn't learn. Because only by interacting with real people, when the child has this living person in front of him, the child's brain will be more inspired. Therefore, one-on-one learning is very important. Handing the child to the screen will not only not let the child learn things, but also destroy the child's attention, and it will become more difficult to learn later. This is the second rule, and the guidance of others is essential.

The third is called mixed-age teaching. Be sure to let children of different ages have communication, which we talked about earlier.

The fourth is called intrinsic motivation, don't use material rewards to drive children. A very simple way to judge whether a kindergarten is good or not, you go to see if there are small red flowers on the wall of that kindergarten. If a kindergarten wall is pasted with a lot of small red flowers, the teacher often says who is doing well today, and we reward him with a small red flower. Everyone said yes, and then applauded. This kind of kindergarten should not be visited because it makes the child lose the inner motivation. The child performs well, the child does well in school, the child learns something that feels great, which is a very happy thing in itself, and this is already the inner reward he has received.

But why do parents and teachers like to put a small red flower on him or give him a score? I've also seen many parents who are particularly proud of themselves and say that they have invented the balanced scorecard at home to score their children. This all has only one purpose - manipulation, that is, to try to manipulate the child, hoping that the child will listen to his own words completely. This is a very scary practice, it is not only about the correct method of education, but also very harmful to the child's brain. Because in this way, the child will definitely have a lot of behavior to please the parents and the teacher, he will not feel that learning that thing itself is fun, he just wants to get a small red flower, and then take how many small red flowers can be exchanged for a gift.

Our family was born from the child, and when he could talk, I told him that no matter what he learned, Dad would not have a reward, and he said it very clearly. I said, "Do you know why?" "I know that learning well is the biggest reward in itself." "That's the values. So be sure to protect the child's intrinsic motivation and don't use material rewards. You think, the author has to manage so many children in kindergarten, without material rewards, and still manages very well.

The next fifth law, called the importance of making mistakes, is to not be afraid of making mistakes and not being afraid of challenges. Why are so many children afraid of making mistakes? Because there is a small red flower if you don't make a mistake, there is no mistake, or because the parent will be angry, the teacher will be angry, when you are angry, the child has pressure, of course, he does not dare to make a mistake. But if we can create an atmosphere where someone makes a mistake and we only care about what we learn from the mistake, then the child will learn very quickly.

The sixth law, the colorful real world. The school she piloted was a slum kindergarten, and once she heard a child pass by the kindergarten door and asked his dad, "Daddy, is this a prison?" "Because that kindergarten is really not green at all." The child asked, "Is this a prison?" His dad said, "No, it's a school." "The child was too frightened to go to school. So she said, to create a natural atmosphere in the school place, to have as much green space as possible, as many trees as possible. Serena didn't even have a pedigree class, she didn't let the kids go laps, like the 4×100m relay or the hurdles, she said the kids don't need to learn this at all, what the kids need is to climb trees, chase, run, jump into the bunker, to play with the natural things, not to learn some sports norms, it's not that time. So, be able to create a natural environment for them.

The seventh rule, every year for the four seasons, they will return to nature, looking for the four seasons. Folks, you are now talking about spring, summer, autumn and winter, how do you know that it is spring, autumn, summer, winter? Basically, it's about getting dressed, what season it's, it's time to change clothes, how to do it. But have you ever felt the signal of spring? When the signal of spring comes, when the sting thunders, when the insects begin to move, when the green shoots on the trees begin to emerge, have we ever experienced, observed, or searched? Therefore, they will take their children to look for spring, summer, autumn and winter.

The eighth law is to enrich the environment rather than to pile it up. The child's learning environment can be enriched, which can stimulate his brain, but do not pile up, do not give the child too much. There's even an academic article titled "Is Too Much Good Bad?" It is a special study of whether a child's brain development will cause problems if the family is really too rich and there are too many good things. Why is it that being too rich can also be a problem? In fact, it is easy to understand, because his attention is always superficial, this toy is particularly excited when he first comes, just excited, and then comes a very fun, and then a very fun, so the whole attention is evenly distributed, superficial, he can't like a thing deeply.

The only toy I had when I was a kid was a half revolver, and what my grandfather helped me pick up from the road was a tin revolver, half of which was gone, only half left, and I played with this as a kid until I was a teenager. It's just a little toy, but I'll love it with special devotion. That's what we say, there's no need to give kids too many good things.

The ninth rule, leave time empty, allowing children to think wildly. In Serena's kindergarten class, some children sit there alone in a daze, and the teacher will not interrupt him, give him some space, let him think.

The tenth rule, sleep is crucial, you must sleep enough 10 hours a day. Why is sleep important? We've talked about a lot of books about sleep, like Stanford's Efficient Sleep Method. Because our minds, in the course of a day's use, produce a lot of waste, how can these wastes be excreted from the body? It is to rely on the cerebrospinal fluid secreted in the brain during sleep to discharge these wastes. Therefore, the child must sleep enough and not sacrifice the time to sleep to do the problem. I have seen some children sleep late, children go to elementary school, his father came home at 10 o'clock at night, and then began to ask homework, until 11 o'clock in the evening, 12 o'clock, the child is sleepy, the father is still angry, feel that he is so busy, but also to manage the child's learning, the child is still so difficult to learn. As a result, the child later developed depression. This is a common phenomenon.

The eleventh rule, meaningful teaching is very important. Selina's class requires meaningful teaching activities, what is meaningful teaching activities? One criterion is whether the child will respond happily, and if the child does not respond happily to the class, then cancel the class or teach it in a different way. Because the children are reluctant to participate and do not give a response, it means that the design of the class is problematic, so there must be this kind of meaningful teaching.

The twelfth rule is that free activity is indispensable, and children must be given a lot of free time.

The thirteenth law, tension is "poison." Why? Isn't it okay to have a sense of tension? When we humans were still primitive, we all survived by tension, and if primitive people did not have tension, they would easily be eaten by tigers. Therefore, tension, anxiety, and depression are all a kind of person's ability to protect themselves. But for this stage of the development of the child's mind, you should pay attention to the fact that the tension of primitive people is to guard against tigers, but there are not so many "tigers" in the real world, and more in the real world, there is a need for cooperation, and the ability to cooperate is much more important than the ability to "fight tigers". When you enter the workplace every day with the mentality of "fighting tigers", do you think about it, are you fighting against everyone? Every little move you make when you see everyone, you feel like something's wrong, you're nervous.

So, the tension that worked very well in the past (in the primitive era) will have a lot of damage to our brains today, and a lot of damage to our relationships. So at this time, you will find that relaxation becomes a very important thing, and it is very important for a person to relax, calmly, and be happy. When your mind is under too much pressure, the child will not be so happy to learn, and if you can give him a hug, what does the hug bring? Embracing brings oxytocin, which represents love, and then this oxytocin, which represents love, can further trigger us to secrete endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and these things will make our minds more relaxed, more open, and more willing to learn things of interest.

The fourteenth law is that in the activities of teaching, we must maintain the spirit of benevolence. There were only two teachers in their class—she and a teacher named Anna, who was her assistant and was responsible for managing order and answering children's questions. The two of them took care of 27 children, always patient and loving. At the same time, there are boundaries between each other, that is, there is discipline in the class, and they believe that they must help children learn to be in order and learn not to disturb other people's space.

These are the natural laws that children learn. Next, let's see how this class is done.

The class is 55 square meters in size, and it's already as big as possible, Serena said, if possible, it could be a little bigger, but the school is only that big. 55 m2 area, 27 children, 6 hours of school per day, three age groups (3, 4, 5 years) in class together. They hold geometry classes, geography classes, sensory sensitivity classes, music classes, Chinese classes, math classes, and then arrange various corners in the classroom, such as geometric corners, biological corners, history corners, literature corners, astronomical corners, etc. Children can learn in the corners, and there are props and books in the corners. The furniture should be low, the child can reach out and get it, and it must be safe. This is a setting for an external environment.

The first thing the kids do every morning when they go to school is to take off their shoes and say hello. Each child comes to the door of this classroom, takes off his shoes, puts them on the shelf, and says hello to the teacher alone, and the teacher will greet each child and welcome them. Serena has seen many parents come to take off their children's shoes, children are very angry, children will say that we are all taking off our shoes, but many parents like to help, Selina said no need to help, to let the children take off their shoes. After taking off their shoes, they can enter the classroom with floor mats, they can play happily and relaxedly, freely choose where they want to go, they can sit wherever they want in this classroom, the whole classroom is theirs, they can sit casually.

The two teachers are facing 27 students, or mixed-age teaching, how to complete one-on-one teaching? In fact, it is very simple to think about it, that is, she walked up to a child, sat down to talk to the child, and communicated with him about what we can learn today, learn to count, or learn ABC After discussing what to learn, he briefly talked to him, and after the lecture, the child practiced on his own and began to practice with the teaching aids. Then she went to the other child, teaching one by one, and each child was able to get one-on-one instruction from the teacher. She will quietly record the progress of the children, will quietly record the learning status of each child, but she will not let the child see this record, do not let the child feel too much pressure, the teacher himself understands it.

They also demand that all children do their part and not disturb each other, which will produce unimaginable results. We have all experienced the surprises that children bring to us. For example, she teaches a 3-year-old to count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Counting like this, the child made an ambition that day, he said, "I'm going to count to 1,000." Then the teachers said, "You may not count 1,000, but you can work hard." "In the end, the whole class ran to see him count 1000, that is, he really kept counting and counting, and finally the 3-year-old child counted to 1000. Many children do more than the syllabus, and the child himself exceeds the syllabus, which is much better than the lessons we have to give him. Because this is his willingness, he is willing to explore, and in the end it will achieve an unimaginable effect.

At 11:00 noon, everyone will sit in groups, here is a detail is very important, if it is in a normal kindergarten, we will definitely call the children over, "Come, the children are coming." So you think, is it possible that the child is doing something very important at 11 o'clock? He's putting in something. So in Serena's class, she didn't yell at everyone, but sat there and let the children come and form a circle. You will find that you don't have to bark, and after a while, the children around you will come in a circle one by one. Because everyone thinks that what is to be done here, it may be time to tell a story, so at 11 o'clock, they sit together and exchange some topics. The teacher communicates with the children about some topics, everyone can speak, and each child can talk about their own ideas.

Then there are outdoor activities at noon, and the nap is voluntary. When we talk about sleeping, I remember that when I was in kindergarten, it was very painful to take a nap, and my aunt said "Close your eyes, just you, number three", and I slept there with my eyes closed. You have to sleep, you can't roll over, you can't make trouble, you can't talk to the people next to you. This is not the case here for Serena, in her place, you can sleep for 15 minutes if you want to sleep for 15 minutes, you can sleep for half an hour if you want to, and you don't want to sleep and it's okay. However, when he saw someone dozing off during class, he was immediately asked to go to sleep. Everyone's biological rhythm is different, and it is necessary to ensure that the child has enough sleep. Therefore, she does not require the child to stand up and not sleep, and she has to sit there and listen when she is already sleepy, but when she is sleepy, she will lie down and sleep for a while, which is rest. So sleep is guaranteed, but also free.

When reading a story, she would read a story to everyone in a circle, and sometimes she would change words to read it. For example, there are idioms in this story, there are words that children do not understand, and she will change them to ordinary words; There are more difficult words, she will switch to simpler words, in this way to make the child sound no more difficult. Then they often organize off-campus activities, such as visiting museums, visiting the fire brigade, etc., and visiting many places to learn about it.

In this class, the most important thing is that the children get solid interpersonal relationships and the adults are liberated. We can understand why many kindergarten teachers are particularly busy and tired, you don't say 27 children, 7 children you manage to try. If you have a "tube" idea, that is, if you think you want to control these 7 children, then you can't control it, and you will be very tired. Therefore, some kindergarten teachers will lose their temper, and some people will beat children, that is, he is in a hurry, he feels that there is no way, and his energy is already poor. But in Serena's class, in the face of these 27 children, the adults are very relaxed, because the adults go to the child and talk about it, and go to the child and talk about it. If there is a fight, if there is a dispute, Selina will definitely stop it, and let everyone learn a principle, that is, do not disturb others, and it is also important to know about other people's affairs.

If any other child needs Serena to come over and help him solve a problem, he has to learn to wait. How do you learn to wait? This method is too warm. The child wants to find a teacher, and the teacher is solving the problem with other students at the moment, what to do? He can go behind the teacher and put his little hand on the teacher, and the teacher will know that you have something to find her. But she's not done with that matter at the moment, and you don't bother her. They help the children to establish a lot of norms, set a lot of ways and methods to solve problems, so the children are very calm in this class to learn and live, slowly no fights, no anxiety. So, children are independent, independent, and then able to stay focused at all times. Teachers help children learn to obey the order and meet the collective requirements, which are very important abilities, and these abilities have a great relationship with future learning.

Selina says a neat and organized space is more important than grades. Because the neat and orderly space represents that the child's brain is binding, he can complete the task and control his life. That's an overview of the whole class. I think if you have the heart to learn to do this, you can just do it, you can go back and try it.

In addition, there are many teaching aids, such as the very famous Montessori red long stick that strengthens perception, and the red stick, which is long and short, section by section, so that children can know the length and know the contrast. There are also various teaching aids that stimulate the sense of smell, taste, and touch. There are also scientific and cultural teaching aids, such as globes, earth puzzles, earth puzzles are to make Asian, European, North America, South America, etc. into wooden boards, put on a large plate, children can fight, after spelling there are animal planks, so that children know where giraffes, pandas, polar bears are, children can swing, this is geography-related these teaching aids. It also includes teaching aids for geometry and music, red and blue numerical sticks in mathematics, counting with numerical sticks, and small teaching aids for calculation. I think kindergartens definitely have them.

Reading and writing enlightenment are also very important. This author emphasizes that the sound words should be learned at the same time, that is, there is no need to learn the pronunciation first, and then learn the words, but the sound words are learned at the same time, because the child's brain hopes to learn the two together, when he puts the sound words together, he will be happier, he will not feel overwhelmed, so he wants the sound words to be taught at the same time. When teaching children to write, use the handwriting font, rather than using the typeface of the printed body, so that the child's small hand runs in the font, it will feel more comfortable, which is to teach them to learn the handwriting style. Then everyone learns together, reads freely, from words to sentences, to books, can be taught together. Through the process of reading and reading, this child learned both words and sentences, and learned to read. This is about some of the parts of teaching aids.

Then there are several very important knowledge points in this book about the core basic abilities of children's intellectual development.

The first is about sensitive periods. You know that one-year-olds have two very important abilities that are in a sensitive period, that is, language and senses. There have been tragedies, such as in Romania, there was a nursery school, many orphans in that nursery school was not taken care of, and finally the children could not develop language skills, because he had no one to talk to him until he was one year old. Therefore, the ability of language and senses is in a very important sensitive period before the age of one.

When you are 3 to 5 years old, you must pay attention to the cultivation of executive ability. As we just said, a child's execution is not the same as the execution we say in the workplace. What does a child's execution stand for? It represents his memory ability, self-control, and cognitive flexibility. Here's an interesting sign, which is how do you see if a kindergarten child has enough self-control? Watch him paint, because painting requires a lot of paint, and then the color palette may be a mess, see if he can clean up the color palette and paint after painting. When a child under the age of 5 can finish drawing and clean them all up, it shows that his execution is enough, and his brain is able to control his life.

And self-control is more predictive than iq. We measure a person's IQ, hoping to know what this person will become in the future, this is not reliable, the IQ between people is actually not so big, and many people with high IQ, life is very bad, this is too much. What does this independence of the child look at? See if he can follow the housework, whether he can solve many housework problems, and whether he can help his parents.

Serena said that the grandmother of one of the children was particularly funny, and one day she suddenly heard a child screaming outside in the classroom, so she rushed out to see, and saw the child running in the yard with her shoes, and Grandma chased after her, and Grandma said, "Why are you so disobedient, you put your shoes down." Then the kid cried and made trouble. Why? Because the child had to wear his own shoes, but Grandma wouldn't let her, Grandma said, "You can't wear shoes, I'll help you wear them." "The training this child receives in kindergarten every day is to solve his own problems, but Grandma does not allow him to solve them himself. In fact, there are actually many such grandmothers who do not let their children wear their own shoes.

In life, it is very important for parents to patiently and accurately demonstrate. When children learn a thing, we often see many parents are very interesting, almost a parent is angry, almost parents, children will not do he is angry, scolding, this is definitely not right. There is also a type of parent who treats the child as a toy, the child will not do it, the parents are happy next to it, laughing at the side, sneering, and deliberately adding some difficulty to him, treating the child as a toy to tease him. The child is learning things, he can't do it he is very uncomfortable, but this kind of parents think it is very fun.

What does the child need at this time? What you need is to patiently demonstrate accurately, over and over again. For example, teaching children to tie bows, tie them over and over again, how to tie their shoelaces, and tie them over and over again is very valuable. To this day, the action of tying his shoelaces is fixed, it was learned from his grandmother, who taught him a particularly fun action of tying his shoelaces, unlike other children, he is now a teenager, still like that. Just think about it, how valuable it is for you to demonstrate so patiently, and how valuable it is that this behavior can follow this child for a lifetime.

In addition, there are many "toys" in daily life, and it is necessary to create many opportunities for children to play in daily life. What do kids love to play with? For example, rolling pins, flour, children love to play; That bottle opener, he can also play for half a day; You give him a more complicated iron box, and he'll dig into that iron box over and over again. The "toys" in daily life themselves have the function of allowing children to learn, so give children some such learning opportunities.

Then help the child learn to express and wait, that is, when he is not happy, you can help him reflect the emotions, you can teach him how to say, over and over again patiently demonstrate; When you need to wait, put your hand on your mother or the teacher, you don't have to urge her, just put your hand here, and know that the speech is rotated.

Allow children to have self-discipline for self-judgment. Why do you say allowed? Because some people don't allow children to do this. Selina once said to a 5-year-old child, "You go help that whoever is who, he has a thing that won't", with the big belt small, let him go to help a 3-year-old child, did not expect the child to say: "I am busy now, I can't go now." Serena felt uncomfortable inside, because she felt that a 5-year-old child could reject her, and what they advocated should be mutual friendship and help each other. But this unpleasantness was a moment, and then she began to observe the child, and found that he was really busy, really doing something very seriously, so she felt that it was over, and then arranged for someone else to do it. There was nothing wrong with this kid. After a while, the child finished his business and came to her and asked, "I'm all right now, is there any task?" "That's it, we want to allow children to reject teachers, they can reject parents. But do you know, every time I live broadcast, the most common question I hear is what to do if our children are disobedient, and these parents feel that their children's rejection of themselves is disobedience, that is, non-cooperation. So to allow the child to have self-judgment, he can be self-disciplined.

Then respect the child's requirements for order. When a child is a child, he often likes to put something in place, it must be in a certain order, "this is your shoe, this is his shoe, you don't wear my father's shoes", etc., the child will have such a sense of order, which needs to be respected. Because at this time the child is learning, he is experiencing order.

In short, give children more freedom. Why? Sometimes, the child seems to have learned nothing, but he is actually learning all the time. One of the core points of Montessori's theory is to tell you that adults are not as good at learning as children, because the synapses in your brain have been trimmed almost in one direction. For example, before we were two years old, listening to Arabic, German, French, English, Chinese, our brain response was the same, you would feel that Arabic was also very clear, so if you learned Arabic at that time, you can learn it, and you will learn it quickly. But after that, we listen to other languages, especially languages that we have never learned, and we can't hear them at all, because the synapses in your brain are trimmed to think that this language is useless, and learning this will not help you. So, the child's learning ability is much better than ours, you look like he didn't learn anything, but in fact he kept learning and didn't stop. So it's better to empty it, to have your own ideas, and to give him more freedom.

Then make sure your child is not violated. The aggression comes from two sides, on the one hand, the violence, which is very bad, because it looks like you just hit his external flesh, but in fact you hurt his brain. Because violence can cause great stress in the brain, and this pressure will secrete a lot of stress hormones, stress hormones will affect the development of our prefrontal cortex, as well as damage to our hippocampus, so it leads to a decline in children's memory and weakened learning ability.

I recently chatted with a lot of education experts, and I said that we must advocate one thing, that is, parents should not find things for their children, and many parents are "bullying" their children every day. Why do children have poor academic performance, weak self-control, or inattentive learning? Because he spends at least 80% of his energy every day to deal with his parents, his brain is thinking about how to steal the mobile phone from his parents, play for a while, how to make my father not angry, how to be beaten less. Every day the brain is highly tense, how can he learn well?

But in fact, whether it is a French exam or a Chinese exam, the content is not so difficult, if a child can concentrate on learning, he will learn quickly. But many of us parents and teachers are not able to let their children focus on learning, but to put pressure on their children together. So do you know why many children can't stand it? The pressure is too great, and such a huge pressure will cause his brain to be damaged, so he can't learn, that's it.

I'm going to read the original book, and the author cites a study that found that "severe stress stimulation in the anterior cortex of the frontal lobe in early childhood may cause damage to the brain nerves, affect brain development, and reduce the number of new brain neuronal connections." The author believes: "The early frontal cortex is overstimulated, and when he is an adult, when faced with major problems, he will have difficulty controlling emotions, relieving impulses, and regulating psychological pressure." Brain imaging showed that adults with violent tendencies, anxiety, irritability, and agitation were less viable in the anterior frontal cortex when faced with great fear than young children with immature brain development. "I explain what it means, that is, why some people grow up to be irritable, easy to lose control, and can't move with others to get mad and quarrel, because his prefrontal cortex is very weak and not well developed." This principle is exactly the same as the principle in "Self-Driven Growth" that we talked about.

So beware of violence from the outside, as well as violence against psychology. Some parents do not beat their children, but use language abuse, sarcasm, sarcasm, sarcasm, constantly insulting, constantly nagging, these behaviors will cause great harm to the child's brain. In the past, many parents said: "I am so strict, his grades can't come up, you still dare to let me go, right?" Then I replied, "You are so strict, it doesn't work for him, don't you let it go and try it?" ”

As a result of the pilot that Selina did, 40 percent of students at other schools failed (40 percent of primary school students failed), and she taught in this way, making almost 100 percent Children can also do well in elementary school, that is, you have to let the child's brain relax a little. Every time I say how my child is, people say it's your child, that's a case. But I educate my children, in fact, exactly as in the book, is not to put a lot of pressure on his brain, all his learning is self-learning, so he learns well, no effort, no need to register for classes, the child's brain can withstand that knowledge. How thin that textbook is, you think about it, there is not much content, but once the child is nervous, afraid, painful, rejected, and writes homework with an angry mood, it is impossible to read, that is, it cannot be learned, and I think this truth is clear enough.

Then help your child learn to control emotions, protect themselves, and learn to return to themselves. Their experimental teaching was not smooth sailing, don't think that these 27 children were so well-behaved when they first arrived in class, they all whispered, and then protected others.

"When we started the pilot class in Gennevilje, most of the children's executive development was lagging behind, their memory, self-control and concentration were very poor, and the slightest disturbance was distracted and difficult to persevere. However, the daily operation of the pilot class is based on the independent learning of children, so their lack of execution is particularly obvious, no longer the rules and regulations set by the classroom activities designated and led by adults, there are no instructions, and there is no strict schedule... There are no external rules that dictate everyone's every move, and the child is like a boat that has lost its helmsman facing the undulating waves, colliding, and being injured. They exercise each other in the chaos, provoke, quarrel, fight, and break (or steal) teaching aids, a scene that can be seen every day in the classroom. We adults have given up the classroom rules that we used to maintain and 'control' our children all day, so the classroom is 'chaotic'. We have to face reality, and it's not an easy thing to do. ”

We need to help him with patience and kindness, resolve conflicts little by little, teach children how to speak well, teach children how to be patient, and teach children how to release signals of kindness to others.

"Gradually, we finally helped our children through this, and I must admit that the road was difficult and challenging... Their personalities gradually changed completely. They learn to control body movements, be courteous, take care of themselves, take care of classmates, be good at socializing, and have a gentle, generous, and kind disposition. We can even see that they are healthier and more energetic. ”

One day, a mother rushed to the school and said to Serena in a particularly exaggerated way, "What have you done to my child?" Serena said, "What's wrong, what's wrong with the child?" The mother said: "Why did he become so polite, so cheerful, how did his words to us become so much, what did you do for him, we tried so many times to no avail, how did you do it?" "It is the child who will become like this, and the parents feel extremely surprised."

How do children learn to show kindness to others, can you think about it? Quite simply, because the child's learning process is to see how others are doing things, so you have full kindness, fairness, understanding, and trust for the child, and the child can learn to treat others in this way. So, if you understand what's going on in the human brain, you can do it, it's not that hard.

The last chapter summarizes, called the secret is love, the secret is a word - love. Among them, interpersonal relationships are very important. Harvard University has done a 75-year follow-up experiment, which is a very famous one that tracks many Harvard graduates, and many people from various classes outside of Harvard University. What is the purpose of the 75-year experiment? It is to see what can make people happy and what can make people live happily. When the conclusion was finally released, the conclusion was particularly simple, saying that after 75 years of observation, the final conclusion was only one sentence, called "good interpersonal relationships make people happier and healthier." That is, you make a lot of money, but you fight with people every day, every day others calculate you, you calculate others, you can't be happy, but if you can be happy and have good interpersonal relationships, this is very important.

So to make children feel dependent on adults, but not dependent, please figure out the difference between these two words. What is a sense of dependence? It is that he knows that "my father can be reliable, my mother can be relied on, our teachers can be reliable, and our teachers will definitely help", and the child will feel particularly dependent and secure, but it is not dependent. What is dependency? Dependence is "I want to get the teacher's affirmation of me, I hope the teacher can do what".

Once, a teacher from another class kindly came to help, for Selina to correct the homework, that is, the composition written by the child in her class, and then the teacher wrote "Come on, great..." Such a comment, Selina was very unhappy, she said, it is difficult to let the child be able to appreciate himself, he understands his own value (intrinsic value), the teacher writes such a comment to the child from above, it will destroy this matter, it will make the child lose his inner motivation, inner self-satisfaction, An inner sense of self-appreciation. "Our teacher says I'm great", you don't need such an evaluation, you don't need to let others evaluate you as great, and your value does not depend on these evaluations. And the sense of dependence, security, can make people happy, and can make children more aware of empathy, when a child has been treated well by others, he is more able to empathize with others.

The most terrible thing is to separate and isolate the child in the class, and separation and isolation will curb the development of the child's mind. Love is not a luxury of survival, love is a necessity for survival, a person's mind is to develop healthily, he needs love to nourish, love is a necessity for human growth and maturity, not a luxury. I have seen many parents express their feelings: "When I don't hold you, I want to 'move bricks', and when I 'move bricks', I can't hold you, so, sorry, our family can only choose to survive now, don't talk about such extravagant things." ”

In fact, it is not so, there is love at home is more conducive to survival, there is love can make your relationship better, the mind is more active, children can learn to become easier and more enjoyable, so love is a necessity for survival. If this child can be treated kindly by everyone and can be respected by everyone for his natural nature, then he can learn to be easy-going, generous, confident, independent, and generous, and these qualities are the qualities that we most desire to feel in him as an adult. If a person can be easy-going, generous, confident, independent, and generous, this must be a very popular adult. In fact, these qualities can already be achieved when a person is a child. But we often curb these qualities in our children, so that they have to roll around, plead, be unreasonable, cheat, or flatter in front of you, because your relationship with your child is a relationship of mutual control, not a relationship of love.

Also, support your child to express good social will. Children have an intrinsic capacity for compassion, and children are very kind by nature. There is a little video that is particularly interesting, that is, there is a dad who may have some setbacks in the workplace, feel very tired, very tired, come home and lie down on the sofa, very painful, very uncomfortable. Guess what his two-year-old did? The two-year-old ran to open the medicine box, took out a stack of Band-Aids, tore open and pasted them on his dad, and put a Band-Aid on his dad, why? He felt that his father was injured, and then he knew that he would put a Band-Aid on the injury, so he took the Band-Aid and pasted it on his father. The child's heart is very soft, and he is very willing to be selflessly dedicated.

There is also an experiment about sharing, the experimenter gave the children a lot of candy, and then observed whether the children were happier when they were sharing candy, or happier when they wanted candy, which can be measured. The final result found that the child was happier, happier, and giggled when he distributed the candy to others. You see, when he was a child he couldn't speak, and when he gave you candy, he was happy, that is, children would have a selfless nature. And many children's social skills are curbed, because of the parents' demonstration. I'm sure you've had similar experiences like mine, and we've all seen parents yell impatiently at their children or carry them around, especially in public. The reason is that they feel that the child's behavior is humiliating, they feel that if I don't teach him harshly, others will think that I don't care about the child, and then they are very fierce to the child, they are only for their own face, but the child's social willingness and social ability are curbed.

In combination with the above, you should remember that in all the teaching process, the reward method is not feasible. We used to be "carrots and sticks", do a good job, give you a reward, do not do well, give you a punishment. In this way, only animals can be tamed, horses can be tamed, and dogs can be tamed, because the animal brain does not need such a complex prefrontal cortex as a human. Man is different, man is completely different from horses and cattle, because man needs to be spontaneous, he needs to be creative, and man is not a creature that can be controlled by conditioned reflexes. If a person can control and act only by conditioned reflexes, then the work that person can accomplish is simply mechanized work. But we need a person to be creative, loving, enthusiastic, and able to enjoy, because his prefrontal cortex is developed, so children cannot be treated with simple rewards.

We live together in order to learn that we all live together. Why does this class advocate mixed age, everyone learns together, teachers, teaching assistants and classmates, everyone lives together like a family every day? Because the last thing we have to face is to live together. Later, after the class graduated, they were promoted to ordinary schools, and those children were particularly reluctant because the children were used to staying with these people in the classroom, so friendly, no violence, no one said dirty words, such a very beautiful environment. Therefore, Selina and many parents are very worried, saying that what if the children can't adapt to the bad environment of the elementary school, the children are so beautiful here, and when someone fights there, they can't adapt to what to do, and everyone is very worried.

Later, they observed these children who were in normal elementary school, and what did they find? These children are much more adaptable than the average child. What really makes it easier for you to adapt to various environments is that you have a developed brain, higher emotional intelligence, easier to make good friends, and easier to resolve conflicts in a friendly way, so your life will become better. The children who used to go to their class sometimes got together to play, and everyone was very friendly and happy. Toot grew up in our family, it is a friendly environment, I have never spoken to him out loud, the whole family will not yell at him, will not scold him, so after he went to elementary school, we said that it was "thrown into the real world", the result is like a fish, a lot of friends, from elementary school to now almost high school, happy, can make friends everywhere, because his adaptability is very strong.

But guys, do you know what kind of kids are going to have problems with their interpersonal relationships? It is that he struggles with his parents at home, and when he arrives at class, he will not coordinate with others, he is either controlled, and if he cannot control it, he can only be soft and uncomfortable, so this situation makes the child have a huge social pressure of interpersonal communication. Because he did not learn the normal interpersonal communication style at home, parents like to use controlled methods to get along with their children, like to use small favors, or paste small notes, five-pointed stars and other various things, and buy shoes if they do well... Use this technique to control the child. Therefore, it is a pity that children have not learned normal communication and normal communication.

So this author says "the secret is love". I believe that after listening to this book, the biggest feeling is when the kindergarten will change, and when our kindergarten will become like this. Of course, we can influence some kindergartens, but I want to remind everyone that we don't expect others to do anything, we ourselves are parents, we can become teachers ourselves, and we ourselves can influence the children around us. Even if your child is older, you can influence other children that you can see as far as you can see.

And from another point of view, you think about whether there are people in your staff who are rebellious and difficult to manage, and whether it is possible that he lacks a chance to relax his brain. Although he has grown up, although he missed that critical period, he may have learned a little slower, but we also have to know that only by making the pressure on his brain less can he do creative things.

Therefore, I especially hope that the book "Children's Natural Laws" can be heard by more people. Or the thing I was worried about, I was worried about it when I was talking about "The Language of Parents", and the people who really should listen to this book are likely not to listen at all, and you are already listening, which means that you are already learning, changing, and improving. But there are so many parents in China who need to learn, there are so many families who are suffering, they may not even have the opportunity to open this software, so I hope that everyone can spread this book to more families.

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